My Only COVID Post..shh

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This pandemic has literally hit us all in one form or another. From losing jobs to losing loved ones, the world I feel, is irrevocably changed.

I have thought of CPS, or whatever initials the agency has in your state, as I worked there years ago. I fear for the children who depended on that 1 or 2 meals at school.  I fear for parents who have lost their jobs, which result in horrible mental and physical stress. This stress leads to violence against children and other family members. I fear the rise in homelessness will continue to increase.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I think and mull over the nursing home population, whose family cannot physically visit. Our older loved ones depend on, and look forward to our embraces and care. I fear their mental faculties will decline and could end up in severe depression as some cannot comprehend what is happening, and feel abandoned.

This next one line is from experience. As from someone who worked in the health care for over 15 yrs or so, I fear that patients in some areas might not get the care they deserve and NEED as family cannot check on them to ensure everything is being done. Especially if they are bedridden and cannot speak.

I fear people like myself sometimes have to lie to even see the doctor as right off the bat we are asked ” do you have fever, nausea, vomiting, cough, diarrhea etc etc” and that is usually what we visit the DR for. I fear that , while video visits are safe and convenient, a doctor needs to lay hands on people and listen to the heart, lungs, etc to make a diagnosis. How can you prescribe through a screen? I cannot imagine what they go through having to try to do this for patients.

Just a few thoughts of an over-thinker.

Maya Angelou Inspo!

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I remember the day I read this quote. I was looking for something more, I was not sure in which part of my life was lacking, but something was. I had decided then and there to take stock. When was the last time you stopped and took stock of your life top to bottom? I bet more recently if you were affected by COVID. But mine was years ago.

Most normal people, I feel, have their ups and downs. If you don’t.. I feel yo aren’t human. ( If you are not human, I am calling X-Files)

Let us begin with liking yourself. If you are true to yourself, have you ever doubted or were not happy with yourself in general? Boy I have been! It took me years to found out what I call my foundation. I am not talking about your significant other, as we have to be true and like ourselves first before we can include someone else. I generally was floating day to day.. work, home, sleep,work home, sleep.

I would catch myself when I was falling asleep thinking about past regrets. And my goodness it would cycle over and over until I dozed off. And that is a feat in itself. Problems sleeping still exist! But I had to somehow stop and come to peace with those regrets.

I started to journal..so much so I had to buy more journals! I would stop and re-read the journal before buying a new one and most of the pages were filled with the same thing. I decided to go write down what I would change about each decision and finally realized that it was too late. I would have to move forward and settle my soul. My soul is my foundation. Not my job, my outward appearance, not a bank account. I wanted to try, with each thing I do, to not make a decision that would be a regret. Impossible really but it does make you think! My soul became and still is a life long journey.

Liking what you do

This can be for anything in your life. From cooking to jobs, being a great parent, etc. I try to incorporate this in everything these days. I have had been jobs I love with bad bosses/management, to being totally happy with a job all the way around. Sometimes it takes some of us a little longer to find where we belong, and that is ok!

How you do it– attitude changes everything! That is all I can say with that, as if you think about it.. it is 100% true. A bad/crappy attitude can ruin your life, perspective about life, and push others away.

I remember the day I read this quote. I was looking for something more, I was not sure in which part of my life was lacking, but something was. I had decided then and there to take stock. When was the last time you stopped and took stock of your life top to bottom? I bet more recently if you were affected by COVID. But mine was years ago.

Most normal people, I feel, have their ups and downs. If you don’t.. I feel yo aren’t human. ( If you are not human, I am calling X-Files)

Let us begin with liking yourself. If you are true to yourself, have you ever doubted or were not happy with yourself in general? Boy I have been! It took me years to found out what I call my foundation. I am not talking about your significant other, as we have to be true and like ourselves first before we can include someone else. I generally was floating day to day.. work, home, sleep,work home, sleep.

I would catch myself when I was falling asleep thinking about past regrets. And my goodness it would cycle over and over until I dozed off. And that is a feat in itself. Problems sleeping still exist! But I had to somehow stop and come to peace with those regrets.

I started to journal..so much so I had to buy more journals! I would stop and re-read the journal before buying a new one and most of the pages were filled with the same thing. I decided to go write down what I would change about each decision and finally realized that it was too late. I would have to move forward and settle my soul. My soul is my foundation. Not my job, my outward appearance, not a bank account. I wanted to try, with each thing I do, to not make a decision that would be a regret. Impossible really but it does make you think! My soul became and still is a life long journey.

Liking what you do

This can be for anything in your life. From cooking to jobs, being a great parent, etc. I try to incorporate this in everything these days. I have had been jobs I love with bad bosses/management, to being totally happy with a job all the way around. Sometimes it takes some of us a little longer to find where we belong, and that is ok!

How you do it– attitude changes everything! That is all I can say with that, as if you think about it.. it is 100% true. A bad/crappy attitude can ruin your life, perspective about life, and push others away.

Mask of Acceptability

Yes, it is I who binge you tube interviews of my favorite people to watch on screen. For awhile now, mine has been Viola Davis. Not only is she beautiful and intelligent, but overall amazing.

Today I was watching her and the cast from How to Get Away With Murder<– MUST WATCH!. Which I am obsessed with. She was asked the usual questions, but on one of them, something resonated with me. She brought up that women have to wear a “mask of acceptability” before they leave this house. Now this is different for everyone. She mentioned she wanted to a real woman in the show.

Wait I found it!! To quote “ I see a lot of sexy women who are hard, cold, look like they have windswept hair and lip gloss and light makeup when they say its no makeup. I work out five days a week, and I’m still not a size 2. So I wanted to see a real woman on TV. I wanted to see who we are before before we walk out the door in the morning and put on the mask of acceptability.” –Viola Davis ( How to Get Away With Murder’s For Your Consideration panel in 2015)

Which to me is shocking, as I find her quite beautiful inside and out.

Ms. Davis also wanted to show the unmasking if you will, the take off of makeup, her wig, lashes etc. It really showed the raw vulnerability of her character.

It made me think of the beauty industry and what we do to feel acceptable. What is acceptable actually? I am guilty..I love skincare and will do a blog on that soon, but that is to take care of my largest organ..which is skin. I also started my love for makeup in when I was 40. I buy lots of products, not to wear them out, but more for the packaging and collector type things. I use dry shampoo and do not wash my hair everyday, which does not mean I gave up, just err working from home at the moment. But even before this pandemic, wait I just realized I was going to lie and say I did not do much before walking out the door. I shower, brush my teeth, try to basically look ok, or what I FEEL is acceptable before leaving the house. I do like accessories like purses and glasses and watches. But what do I really do for my mask of acceptability? 10 years ago I would say A LOT. I ran 30 miles a week, but that was for enjoyment not for getting in shape, because I was in shape. Running was a passion. I did have a ton of shoes and clothes, especially work suits and outfits. I spent a lot of time on appearance and had manicures etc, as I spoke with my hands in front of a room full of physicians. As I type this I think I did that for myself to feel good, did I do it for others? I would say for others as most people would be fired if they showed up to work not in their respective required dress code. P.S there was along period of time of me just wearing OR scrubs and caps..so awesome!

Now, I am of the more is less theory. I think the smile is the best accessory anyone can wear. I live in the time of people taking 100 selfies a day and I take maybe 1 a week .

I think we are getting to a time of more natural beauty and the “no makeup- makeup” look. Natural CC/BB/ tinted moisturizers etc. Point is.. be happy with the beauty that is you.

You are uniquely you. Beauty comes from within.

Skincare Review 2020

Hello all you amazingly homebound, or not.. people! Are you slowly getting your life back to normal? I suppose that depends on where you live and your restrictions with this hellish pandemic. Or as Sheldon Cooper ( Big Bang Theory) would say.. “what fresh hell is this?”.

I am in my 40s and really started to realize a few years ago that skin is our largest organ ( yes I knew this but you know..it actually hit me), and we HAVE TO take care of it!! Research your goals and the different serums right for you.. please never put alcohol on your face !!

Before we begin, please remember I am not a grammar / punctuation queen so forgive my errors. ALSO!! I stink at pics.. but effort is key:P

I have been trying things out (as from my skincare review post.. a few years ago) and have finally found my skincare niche.

#1 I bought my FaceTory skincare mini beauty refrigerator. This comes with shelves, but I took one out, as some of my products are tall. This keeps my products nice and chilled. IT also has a heat setting which I never use.  I bought this from Amazon for 96.00$

#2 Dermaflash Dermapore : Pore Extraction & Serum Infuser 99.00$ I purchased this from their website. I am a huge serum junkie ( I will list what I use below). This helps promote a healthier complexion while shocking the pores to open and absorb all that good stuff!!!

#2 PMD Personal Microderm Pro – This helps to suck all the gunk and junk from your pores. It comes with a few different head attachments and sizes. 199.00$ I purchased this from Sephora.com

Oh My Muse Facial Cooling Massager 19.99$ Amazon.com I freeze this and 100$ shrinks my under eye bags and feels amazing!

Conair True Glow Facial Steamer Warm/Cool 39.99$ Amazon.com

Tatcha ( will be group these together as there are so many!! ) All of these are from Tatcha.com

The Water Cream 68.00$  I use as a moisturizer!! Soft and lightweight

The Deep Cleanse 38.00$ Excellent face wash! Does not dry my face out.

Violet-C Brightening Serum 88.00$ this leaves your face like silk!Touchable and lovely!

The Rice Polish Classic 65.00$  I use this before my PMD treatment..

The Kissu Lip Mask 28.00$ I put this on before bed, my lips dry out overnight!

Tatcha Violet C Radiance Mask 68.00$

Peter Thomas Roth 24k Gold Mask Pure Luxury Lift & Firm 80.00$ Sephora.com Somewhat drying so be sure to serum up afterwards!

Peter Thomas Roth- Rose Stem Cell BioRepair Gel Masl 55.00$ Sephora.com

Hyaluronic Acid Serum  11.90 $ Amazon.com I love this stuff!!!!

TruSkin Retinol Serum 19.99$ Amazon.com I use this before bed!

Evian Mineral Water Facial Spray 13.50$ Sephora.com..why is this a thing? Had to try it.. Not really worth it if you use other setting sprays.

Tarte Limited edition Maracuja Gold Oil 50.00$ QVC.. Love my skin aftwards! User for life!!

Milk Makeup Vegan Milk Moisturizer 38.00 Sephora.com.. Beautiful to look andso thick..BUT settles in nicely on skin..non greasy.

Youth To the People Superfood Antioxidant Cleanser  Mini 10.00$ Sephora.com..foams up nice and doesn’t strip your skin.

Herbivore Jasimine Green Tea Oil Control Toner 39.00$ Sephora.com.. I use this in the morning to wake up with my cooling massager!

Fresh Mini Rose & Hyaluronic Acid Deep Hydration Toner Mini 25.00$ Sephora.com..must have !!!

Origins Matte Moisturizer with Willowherb 36.00$ Sephora This is great for oily skin like I have! A staple of mine!! Matte to the max!!

Losing a Friend

My childhood actually flashed before my eyes. The good and the bad. One of the best parts was Brian. Brian was my neighbor from across the street and three houses down. We, thank goodness, lived in a time where we felt free to play outdoors without fear of harm. We lived up trees, on our bikes, or in my small back yard playhouse. Hide and seek was usually on the menu, and as we grew older, skateboarding and riding our bikes even further than before. This was a big deal back then as our elementary school was withing biking distance, and our “coliseum” as well.  We would do everything together like go trick or treating or basically just exist without even talking.

And as far as talking goes, Brian and I shared our speech impediments together as well. We both stuttered. Our club of two knew no bullying, no shame, and all laughs. We even had speech therapy together at our elementary school as well. Our parents were comfortable with us running around as my parents would feed him or his parents would feed and look out for me. We had friends in common, as they lived on our block or in our small neighborhood as well.  He was, I suppose upon looking back, a safe, security blanket for me. It was easy and without struggle to be around him, and I am so grateful for all of those memories.

I will not discuss his end, but I wish his lovely wife and family could have visited everyday. I know family and loved ones give strength to ill patients. And I cannot imagine the struggle to have to stay away from loved ones in the hospital.

I just write this in memoriam of my Brian, for he is, and will always be loved by everyone that knew him. I thank his wife for existing, to put it mildly. She is a hero in my book.